moving in with mom after dad died

You have a duty and responsibility to those left behind whatever their age. He kept rattling on about being fair to heras if she were entitled to have me consider her my family. She didnt want me to do groceries for her anymore. Right after my dads funeral, my group of friends from high school were sitting around me in the sun, making sure that I was being sufficiently hugged. We told my dad and his fiance how happy we were for them, and we were. I am just not comfortable with that nor will I ever be. You could encourage it, but dont force it, it will only make your kid resent you. She had dates lined up and then after the second, started regularly dating. I feel he has been deceptive with my mother and with me. He had actually showed some sort of care for her. I still cant beleive it. When my dad died my mom was also at quite a loss. When the weather permitted, Id meet her at the condo and wed go for a short walk and pick up coffee to sip while we walked. What followed was one of the most upsetting summers of my life. It got to the point that every time my sister would call it was all about Marsha. I would make sure to talk about my Nor do I fault him for moving on and pursuing his own happiness. She has no children, she is an only child, and she does not really care about anything but herself, hence the term Marsha, Marsha, Marsha (The Brady bunch in 70s) .My Dad forgot my Brothers and my birthday, which is only and few days apart. When I confronted him about it, he asked if I was on my period. I feel like shes disrespectful to my mother for thinking that she can take over the house. If, in all circumstances you ask yourself the question: Is this how my mom would choose for me to be living my life? Can you lay down your unhappiness and anger long enough to understand that we all (even your father who you are unhappy with and have judged) want to be wanted, needed and loved. Focus your energy on creating the kind of life that would be a tribute to your mom.love your children; love your spouse but most of all love yourself the way she would have loved you. We obviously dont matter. How sad your letter makes me! I never excepted her at first, but then I excepted her and things were pretty all right. Sure, it might be well-intentioned, but it can feel empty. But he has for the most part been very respectful for my feelings so I have returned the favor. I was still uncomfortable, but slightly more accepting of the situation because (1) a little more time had passed since my mothers death, (2) the new girlfriend was actually my fathers age, and (3) at one point my father had said: Dont worry, she doesnt have any kids!. She was sick for 17 months. I lost my mother in July 2008 after a very long illness. The sooner the better. We can plan and think well know how well react, but life just happens to all of us. She acted as though she got offended over that. I was married for 24 years, had a familly and it began to grow. My mom got a reference for a grief support group that I am thinking about going to. Know that there is someone in England who is thinking of you and hoping you find your way. It is important that you allow your children to grow up with feelings of forgiveness and happiness. The issue is that I cant spend time with him without his girlfriend and the baby hovering around too. My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. WebIf you inherit the house, it's perfectly legal for your parents to set conditions on you taking ownership. He would tell me that I am just bring emotional. For me I didnt like the idea of this woman but was prepared to accept her into my life. Now my sister and I are back to work and doing as well as we can be doing, I guess. I have been so shocked to read that so many daughters do not support their fathers happiness. That is what mom wanted and he has failed miserably in the 6 months since her death. I just listened and said nothing and asked if he was done and then I asked him about his day. I was completely taken aback mostly because my mom told him repeatedly how she felt if he were to do such a thing. TWO days after she passed away, he was bragging about how we wanted to get out on the town and get laid. I got to hear so many stories I had never heard of, and I felt incredibly connected to my fatherand, unexpectedly, at peace with my grief. Is she going to pay for her extra data if she causes it to go over? After attacking my sister we could not visit at her home. Yet he would not want me to stop living, and he would not want for me to be unhappy. A woman who he has known from a long time ago. He was her caretaker and he held her hand to the very end. He has chosen her over me and Im in straight hell constantly being reminded of my moms death as she is living much better in my house with her nose in the sky and always wnjoying when me and dad fight cuz of her. I actually kind of felt sorry for her. Oh no she wouldnt like to do it she doesnt like waiting around in hosptitals., He can barely walk from one end of the kitchen to the other but then we find out he goes out shopping with her and manages to walk about fine. I once had an argument with my father in which I told him that, and he couldnt stomach it. Its weird watching a 72 year old man act like a 14 year old. On the ride home, my dad asked, What do you think of my friend? But my brother was living with his girlfriend for four years and my father still called my brothers girlfriend a friend so the semantics dont tell me anything. At 15, I lost my mother to a 2-year long battle with cancer. But she needs help. A good woman would honor her husbands relationships with his family to ensure his happiness. Furthermore, if it had been the other way around (i.e., my dad had died instead of my mom), then I would have actually encouraged my mom to get out and meet someone! He sees my distress and is powerless to act. We try to maintain as civil a relationship with him as possible we all live several hours from my dad and have learned to avoid certain conversation topics with my dad because theyll result in huge fights. I just read the most recents posts.If you read this and think you can give me advice, please do. With so little communication one could only conclude that it is based on attraction rather than having a lot in common. She felt needed and purposeful. I will provide the 50+ year-old male perspective. And moving so far away. I think the worst thing to do would be to follow my instincts and just never see her, and by extension, him, again. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. She doesnt even have a headstone on her grave yet. They can not commit 100% to you. I'm just saying it is possible to have that high of a bill. Fast-forward a bit, and I am now 20 years old. The woman who he choose to date knew the family and was not liked by mother. They never invite me to their outings together, and when I ask him why I cant come sometime, he blows me off. Let me be clear- I am thrilled that my dad has a companion in his life- they have fun together and hes got a traveling companion. She certainly does that. It is important, however, to keep in mind that you are the child. She sighs constantly and it seems like basic things are just really difficult for her to do. The friend made her self available to help with gardening and a lot of the outdoor work to be done at the house. She has told him he has a dirty mind. I want him to be happyI really dobut concerned and feeling robbed of my dad. Well, a few days ago, my dad tells me that he is going to Florida next week with a woman friend of his (he never would have taken my mom to Florida). I am not that kind of person. We had a good relationship with each other. I called my dad to check up on him. What do you guys think? So Girlfriend, I guess no one can have any sympathy for you or take your message and somehow change the way we really feel because you need to have a companion in your old age. Although a thing is dating once out and my dad is now your father-in-law by. Im not talking about holidays or family parties, where of course inclusion is important. Of course not. while my mother told me all sorts of details about their crummy 38 year long marriage. I will say though, that as much as adult children need to be sensitive to and understanding of their parents companionship needs, the surviving parent must not force a friendship with the new woman in his life on his child. And i think its to soon it really makes my stomach upset when i hear her name or see her with my dad. Years ago my beloved grandfather, John, had a stroke. He was in the ICU for a month and came out of the hospital with physical disabilities and dev You can get A Nurse to visit the home 2-3 times a week and an Aide 3 times a week for bathing or bed baths. As women, we certainly know that men and women think & act totally different from one another. I believe that you should take into account the children feelings up to a point. He wanted companionship. I get that, and its not that I expected him to never get married again or have a relationship with another woman, but it just seemed to happen so quickly for him. The bottom line is that I miss my mother. Spend lots of time with her. She wont let us help her do anything if it pertains to my dad including going into his bedroom. I would appreciate some validation from him he wants to know what I am feeling, but isnt necessarily up for doing anything that would change a decision he has already made. She was only 59 years old. But me and my Dads wife do not get along at all. The D in particular had a very difficult time handling it. He was trying to tell me he needs the things my mom was leaving to me. I lost my mother to cancer in November, my father enrolled in one of thoes dating web sites in December. At this point, I am already now considering not attending Thanksgiving if she will be in attendance because the pain is still too great, especially for the first holiday without my Mom. Im going insane, and waste all day being unproductive as I think about how unfair and how much I hate her. You bet. If he chooses her it is his choice. Although he is ready.. we are just not. Ministers and priests are great resources for the bereaved. And i was 12 years. I feel this women is just looking to have someone take care of her and support her, and that she is hoping to move into my parents house. WebUnfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. We dont have a problem with him dating , its just who he is dating. may take time to adjust to a new woman in their dads life. How to get a good woman. Unfortunately, I fear that the perpetrators are emotionally vulnerable themselves and often these new people move on them too quickly when they are not thinking straight. Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose. I am glad I came across this website and Im not alone. I guess since I was close to my mother, I just dont understand Ellens relationship with her sons. So, she has no concept of what it is like to be a grandmother and quite frankly I hope she never has any biological grandchildren as she doesnt deserve to be a grandmother. My father nervously said, You know- this isnt a mail order bride situation or anything, you know and laughed nervously. After my fathers burial service, friends and family held a brunch where everyone went around the table and shared a lively anecdote. She is very upset by this. I live in England and certainly at that time no garage would have been open. Also, new caveat she is now on our family plan because its cheaper, for her, and bc she dropped her phone in a toilet on accident.. My father started dating a woman this summer. He is only thinking of himself. In addition, there are several new tasteful furnishings in the garage, including a poster-size image of his girlfriend, and a multi-picture montage including an 8 x 10 OF HER BIKINI BUTT!? I cannot emphasise enough that there may well be a case of self-preservation here. He sent them to an auction house. Not offended at all. Before this woman was in the picture I was treated as equal and my opinions and input mattered and where often times asked for. Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. He was just my moms friend and he was there for her which was ok with my brother and I. The first thought in our minds was that they were seeing each other. Even before he met me they didnt want him to socialize with anyone else. . He casually dated my best friends mother from high school. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. For So Long, I Had Larry in My Ear In an exclusive clip from Hulus Stolen Youth docuseries, Larry Ray survivor Felicia Rosario opens up about the impact of his gaslighting. I understand him wanting to sell the house because mom died in itbut to move so far away! I mean moms been gone for 5 months now and I have to meet the new misses? Add to that all kinds of weird girlfriend moments-her wearing my clothes without asking, going through my personal things, falling asleep standing up, falling asleep at the dinner table, falling asleep at other peoples houses at parties, etc. At this time of our lives we can make mistakes with relationships because we dont have the tools, awareness, and you become almost like a teenager, nave in some ways, excited about anything new, and different. At the time I told him I thought it was too soon, but he kept going on about time and would it make a difference if it were a year or two. This is my Dads oldest brother and his wife. Please Open the Door and the path to a renew relationship, to a new future together as a family. Interesting then that my brother would come home the other night to find them cuddling on the couch at my dads house. I felt such resentment towards my father-in-law because I had tried to accept openly welcome Irene as a part of our new family picture to preserve the family and to have this kind of thing done so childishly behind my husbands back was just too much for us. She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. Heres what Im not thrilled about: My mom looked forward to and cherished those few hours with her family even though all of us could not attend. I need some advice. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were I supported him finding companionship. Scott suggested giving your stepson concrete check-ins about his move-out status, and boundaries for the time being as you continue to cohabitate. My relationship with my dad was great- we saw each other at least once a week and always had great talks. He has been spending a lot of time with my aunt my moms sister. We enjoyed many of the same things, and were eager to try some new ones. Im talking about watching a movie together, going on an outing, having a conversation. I just feel so uneasy with herlike she is hiding something really big and I just cant put my finger on itchalk it up to resentment as this article says or jealousy or whatever, I just cant get over it. However, when I call, he rushes me off the phone. He wanted to come here with her and I said no. Before and after my mother passing from leukemia my father was dating and later married my mothers best friend from college. The only place where I feel close to her. Now that I find myself in a situation where my husband passed away suddenly in his sleep leaving me to take care of our 2 yr. old son. She doesnt want another master in his life. She was not ill. My father was already searching for a new companion at the wake and as soon as the funeral was over was on the prowl. I empathize with you that are hurting because of the loss of your loved one, because of your mother or father started a relationship with someone else before you have time to heal and because you new relationship is not accepted by your or their children. He realised what kind of person she was quite quickly hence the Whatever you do dont tell her.We were powerless, as we are now. He met a nice lady this spring. I have told him how I feel, and that is all I can do. I know this article is old, but it could not be more relevant to my life right now. He is clearly uncomfortable talking about any grief that he is feeling now but says, talking with women online makes him feel better. I realize that the surviving partner may not be used to being alone and may feel the need to begin dating before the rest of the family is ready but it is important for them to take into consideration how the other family members feel about it if they dont want to damage their current relationships. This women across the street would come over often, and every time I was there just to be irritating to me because she knew we did not care for each other. Mothers Day we joined my dad and his new wife for lunch, and she proceeds to tell my middle sister she found the sunglasses that my little sister was looking for and she is telling my middle sister were she found them- my middle sister says, my Little Sister was looking for them, and the new wife proceeds to say I Found Them and never gave them to my middle sister to give to my little Sister she is still wearing them to this day..Makes me sick!!! He told my sister not to even make eye contact or speak to her. Live ends and the rest of people around the one who died have to keep on living. Yes, he is lonely and yes, you are lonely and yes, you both deserve not to be lonely. Your email address will not be published. Hope all works out for you and that you find some peace. Our dedicated home care staff are specialists who provide a range of services according to their training, professional certification and experience. Maybe Im being childish and selfish but a dying wish for a wife of 42 years should be honored dont you think? What is wrong with you. I cannot understand their position. Its no one elses business. ( I understand that there are some exceptions and some times this will impossible to accomplish) Well, I overextended myself. I think it really depends on what happened between your dad and step mom and the area you live in. From just reading this my first thought was you Eight months after my mother died my dad gave a woman a diamond. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. When driving back from hospital the other week he asked who would be taking him back the following day. We left heartbroken and grief-stricken. Even if this new romance proves long- lived and even if the person turns out to have an admirable and loveable character- the damage has been done. I agree that we just feel the way we feel. I asked my dad if they were just friends and he said yes and then he pinky promised on it. I can offer no hope to anyone going through this. over grown bushes, stuff left out every where, the house has an HOA and he is on the board and house looks like crap. He does not dare ask if she will be staying for a few days. She did, however, let me run other errands for her and drive her to the occasional appointment. Never give up! My mom died of cancer April 2013 and then this month, July 2014, my dad got a lady friend. click to read more On him. Its so nice knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing, and that Im not alone. We are very compatible and truly love spending time together. but Im defensive and worried.. Maybe she is the one but like many of you, she doesnt seem to be trying to have a relationship with me..We go out to dinner together with my husband, daughter, Dad and dads girlfriend, and its like crickets. She just wanted understanding ears to bend for awhile. Some of you are just beginning the grieving process with very painful sentiments of loss and you need time to heal. It really helps me try and understand my situation. Military Losses Often Complicated by War Coverage. My mom, like many of your moms, passed away from cancer (colon), in 2006. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. I think part of it, for me, is that I feel like if I accept my dad having a new woman in his life, I am being disloyal to my mom. Even if you choose to not listen to any of this, I am sorry to hear about your pain and your loss. He has a house here in FL and one in KY,so he felt the need to go to KY to get away for a while. My dad started using Facebook and was always on it. WebAnswer (1 of 4): Im sorry for your loss. My father and I were always close, and now I feel sad, hurt, rejected, angry and guilty. I have dealt with my dad by having my time with him we have a set luncheon date once a week and we have a set day once a week to spend with each other. However, this has been very tough on my kids. This is why I feel guilty- because I want him to feel better. And they got married one year after my mother passed away. It is a conscious choice. I think whether I gave my dad back what my mom gave me or not, Id still be dealing with a jerk. What people in your situtation need to realize it is not all about you, there are children, grandchildren, in-laws. I hope this post doesn't diminish any of your feelings, and I really hope you're taking care of yourself - it sounds like you are - but you asked how to help your mother, so I focused on that. My mom had known for a while but didnt want me to find out because she wanted me to finish school. We had a great time. My mother seemed to have a feeling that my dad would move on quickly. Sorry for rambling on! While my situation is not quite the same as yours, I did feel that the woman my Dad married was pushed on him by his neighbor. Truly let go of anger, regret, fear and sadness anything holding you down. I am finding myself angry with him and frustrated. I loved my wife deeply and will miss her for the rest of my life but I did start a relationship 3 months after her passing. Back in July my Dad and his girlfriend got married and moved in together. My parents had been married 50 yrs. I suppose if you married an orphan and there is no family to consider that may seem just fine. I take peoples feelings into consideration in any situation a lot of times before my own. And perhaps he will be aware of his insensitivity to you in addressing this lady by calling her Angel, etc. I was put in the same position and told I had to be friends with her, be nice, accept here. While their kids and other relatives have mates and continue on with their lifes. My mom and I were very close before she got sick and got even closer during her illness, so this feels like a violation to me in so many ways. She just needs a little help with the deposit and setting up furniture, and then she'll be able to take over cleaning and dusting on a daily basis without you. I feel like my dad is picking her crazy over our hstory together. However, the horrors of the past and the selfishness and defence of the indefensible behaviour make visiting and caring all the harder. She found out through a friend that dad did this/had these kind of toys. His girlfriend had the nerve to come without him, then pull me aside when she was there just to tell me that she wasnt trying to replace my mom and we should honor her at all occasions. Dont try to justify it. Well, I overextended myself. Now my father has started looking for a woman on matrimonial sites which I came to know when I sneaked into his phone. Over these three years ive feel as the world is a very lonesome place without her and what i thought was a tight family was false. Now his wife has him to herself. The relationship may well blow over. People that think the only way to find happiness is through a relationship and not through a connection with their family are selfish and shortsighted. She has told my dad he is dull, boring, all he wants to do is work, she doesnt want him to take care of her, to buy her things, to keep calling her. I will continue to search for answers and hope that I find a way to help my family heal from this tragedy. We had a big argument a little over a year ago and hurtful words and letters were exchanged. Lovely experience. Hi, The hole in my heart was huge. I have not met this woman, nor do I want to. I wish my dad was here today. dont attend any family functions until the rest of the family has had time to grieve and cope with their loss. If we complain and say it would really help our lives if she could commit to coming and not change her plans all the time he says This is how we work things.. If you can, get her active in life. He tells me not to bring my mom up in front of her. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. After her funeral he was really short and didnt want to stay in town. Your relationship is decades longer, and your link to your father is through a woman no longer alive. Well guys, I made it through Christmas and now into the New Year and hope you were able to cope with your Dads during the holidays. She would repeat herself, tell weird stories, slur her speach. All her sisters have families and are married She has never been married and has no children. I feel I did everything I could to salvage our relationship but he did not care and was not interested in having me or my family, his granddaughters in his life anymore. Im sad that my Mom worked so hard all her life and many times was forced to be frugal and now woman will be reapiing the rewards of Moms hard work. I received a text from my brother which stated that my dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to the hospital right away. I feel so sorry for you. He would just come by and drop off boxes and boxes of pictures and not go thru them. While he was lying in ICU she canceled her thanksgiving plans and invited herself to ours which was a few days later.