I am absolutely disgusted by their behavior. And, while cleaning up our home computer, I found a file of pics. I cant imagine being in this apartment we have been in for so long together and staring at all the memories and these walls and being able to move on and be happy. When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help. Letting go of the past - especially a husband who left you for another woman - isn't about "getting over it.". She promised she was done . So that l will never ever go back to him . Im in so much pain physically. Me finding pills over and over hidden in her car. Sadly there is no research about depression and suicide in men at this life stage (there's little enough about women). With no signs no reason why just said he had to go he had to do it. Im paralyzed and just dont know where to begin? From my perspective your husband saying that he is not happy could mean several things: 1. I need some feed back on how to deal with this.Please help me.Give me some Ideas. Maybe I hope she leaves him or if I cant have him I think I want his social life ruined. Nothing is wrong with you! I am so sorry you are going true this, I am feeling your pain. Let him know you are very serious and you have reached your breaking point. You can not continue to live this way. Good luck if you think this fits him. I went to my room to get some clothes and on the bed was his stained boxers next to her stained panties. He probably misses the way things used to be. She said she could do what ever she had to with her husband to keep the family together. We have talked about this more than I can count. Good riddance. This podcast explores all things love and relationships. Apparently, they had worked together at his previous location and she lived in our new location and worked in an adjacent area. She stayed in the house wanting to go straight from our house to her new one. The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. Cheers. It took some comments by others, even his own family to see how much I compensated and accommodated. First of all,thank you for sharing your story. It took me about 6 months before I tried to get help and went to therapy. They had lunch once a month. I cry every night of the pain I feel. Then my wife was charged with felonies 2 for fraud and 1 for forgery.. in 2015 she switch to alcohol now she has driven me and our kids out of the house to my parents I am biblical and believe I cannot get a divorce because what the Bible says. I got his phone and looked for her name. Hopefully my therapy along with meds will help me survive this horrible time of my life. His perspective is that he tried to be emotionally connected over and over only to be disappointed by my lack of response to his reaching out. That discovery changed my fragile mind even more it made my psychically ill and my immediate thought was that I had caused so much angst with this lovely woman that she changed her values and that that PAIN is what really kills me. He ended up walking past me and got in our car and left. This is not a mistake a mistake is backing your car into a bollard or something similar. Part of me wants to just move on and forget that any of this ever happened. Then I suffered a spinal injury, that left me crippled with pain for seven years, five of them entirely bed-confined. A week after he left my dad passed away. Whats your love story and is it compatible with your partners? How so? He also sleeps in another room if I pursue him or attempt to resolve anything or he leaves the house. Now he stops communicating with anyone that tries to talk him in to reconciliation. Please someone give me some advice. Said she didnt love me and turned to her boss. Looking at the whole thing, it was obviously calculated by her for a while, which hurts all the more when for example, on the Saturday night I had taken her out for an expensive meal, and she had just happily played along, said it was wonderful etc. Is he depressed and hating life? Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? 7. Maybee we can find a way to keep in contact if youd like to talk more. Barking dogs are stressing him out and him yelling at the neighbours stresses me out. When she does she simply says she doesnt want to be married anymore. Still I feel compelled to tell you that I understand. Hope things are looking up for you. And I am 129 lbs 5-4, & socially bi resulting from his pillow talk request, so he has had many fantasies come true. I must be strong. He does almost everything anyone in their 60s would do. The message is so strong and clear when there is infidelity, unlike opaque reasons such as boredom or lack of compatibility. . In fact I think I hate him more now than I did then. I have stood with her thru the good and bad times and now that I am out of the house she treats me like Im a stranger. Its the circle of life. Ive suspected there is another involved but have no concrete evidence other than intuition & one or two very suspicious epidodes, combined with secrecy from her, as opposed to privacy. I know it hurts, my husband left me too. He is making me take all my things, after 2 years married, 3 together. Contact a lawyer, or find a friend who knows one. Sex left the building and life really took over and the issue of lack of intimacy would come up always from her as to why how come we never have sex anymore and then over more time, and even after attending marriage counselling together it never did get resolved. Hi I am going through this as we speak. Her husband left her too because he has another woman. I wonder if he even filed those papers. She will regret it one day and when she do you will be in a better place mentally and moved on with another woman and that will be your revenge on her. I dont know what to think anymore. From the very first dose, I felt the pain step down and every day afterward, it became less, until, in a short time, it was gone. Ok, I believe you and I want to say how sorry I am for your experiences. He was asking for her number then the conversation ended. I said no to moving out because a) I sole own the house and sole was paying the mortgage and B) I thought her behaviour was erratic and odd for the months leading up to her moving out plus I was getting fed up of rolling over to her whims. You can search in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. He will go the same thing to someone else- no worries. The day you never thought would come has become reality. Never ever ever If it wasnt for my children, I would leave this earth. His family dont know what happens prior to him arriving alone, but I feel realy awkward and dont want them to think that Im snobbing them out. He refused to go to counseling. She tried to abduct our son from daycare and it only didnt happen because my daycare worker knew of my wifes history and that Im more of the primary caregiver because of her instability. It would of been 10 years of marriage this year. Some of those things that seem like just cute little quirks can be the tip of the iceberg. Theres a reason to leave someone. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. I didnt even have the pass codes to the credit card or the banking accounts. When everyone had left he told me how much he loved me , how proud he was of me. Its easy to get trapped in black-and-white thinking, but you will need to expand your concept of the situation to truly heal. My husband and I have been separated from each other due to deployment. She mightve been young and had settled down with kids at a young age and wanted an escape, but with that Guy it wont Last and if it does she wont be Happy. Someone please help I feel like dying inside but I dont want to loose him I am in pain cant stop crying . I still love him and hate myself for it. Im having a hard time knowing how to move on! That over the life of our marriage, the effects of my early traumas (that were left un-touched and that went unnoticed by even myself) caused the very values that attracted her to me or me to her had changed so much and that she must have been in so much pain herself, that she did what she did to herself, and to me. The older teen will be an adult in just over a year and I am hoping her role as caregiver does not distract her from studies or delay college. I still manage to stay positive through it all, that is the most important thing you can do and the best advice I can ever give. He started arguements out of no where and said it was me. Look at the research its madness what people are ending marriages for .The problem is you are supposed to be a team function as a team nothing else or anyone else matters . She sounds like shes crazy now. I have 2 kids as well even. She will not even contact my son, my god, what has he done wrong. Thanks for your input. Im no angel to live with but I always saw us together until the end. Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. We believe that is best left to our members. I had two children who needs to complete their dreams. "Dogs pick up on our emotions, so if the owner has died, the dog could be responding to the grief of others," Beaver said. Maybe you want to place your studies on hold for awhile or get your family involved to temporarily help yout. Take care. He would attempt to hide his porn addiction by holing up in the loft in our garage when I was not home. I have kept in touch with her help her financially and tried my hardest to help the situation between the kids and her all to no avail . One thing we never were was abusive to each other but this morning in particular she punched me in the face out of anger. What a way to throw a wrench in! I dont temember- FYI Im in NJ. On Valentines day, she decided to tell me she doesnt love me and has in fact hated me for the last 15 years, though showed no signs of it. We were happy, we valued each others company, we always went through any hardships together. I left her cause she was a gold digger had 4 affairs and she was a thief . I think the worst part is I feel like Ive had my heart ripped out with no closure, as I was left no explanation to her leaving, and pieced over the night that she hadnt been being honest with me about what she had been doing, who shes been seeing etc. We had our time coming our kids are bigger so we only had a couple months ago before they were at the house. Im fairly sure he had affairs, he cheated a lot before when we were together, lied so much, did drugs and lost his job while I was pregnant. We just stopped, as she put it. Wasnt throwing out enough, I lost everything!!! cheat ,refuse to except your responabillity dont come crying when the shit hits the fan and nobody wants nothing to do with you .I love my kids still love my wife and will do anything to make their live good I wish her all the best with the new man but fear , a relationship built on lies and deceit is a disaster waiting to happen .Good luck to all who have been cheated on I wish you all the happiness you can find be strong and trust in yourself , trust me nobody but you can make this better so walk with head held high feel proud that you didnt sink to their level best of luck one mightily piss off deserted husband. My lawyer was shocked too and worked hard at just getting the things my mom gave me. It is so heart braking, that I can feel my heart hurt.My husband makes our marriage failure my fault. I got back with him. Having children does not entitle you to a handicap parking spot., The life I imagined crashed before me and fell to pieces. Why hasnt society caught up with that? I have had to completely restart from scratch without anything and I think I would have to suffer this a thousand times again rather than live like that ever again. The councilor suggested that I pay a visit to my gynecologist to get things checked out. My wife had insisted on getting a new house before we were ready. I understand its a problem, but I can not figure out a way to stop it Worst day of my life just praying she would come to her senses and save our family. You may never get the answer you are looking for from your partner, but there are several common reasons why someone leaves a relationship. I work out at a gym and have put my grandson and myself in martial arts to help me cope. Research has also found that of the couples who felt their marriage was in serious danger of ending but who stayed the course anyway, over 80+ percent of them wound up feeling very glad that they didnt get divorced. Sorry for your situation i am also dealing with a similar situation I was just told by a woman I have been with for 9 years who is also the mother of our 5yo daughter that we will not be getting married next month as planned she will be getting married to someone else this was completely out of no where considering the past five mo have been nothing but me working no less than 80 hours a week as many as 120 just killing myself to build our house and support our family not only did she leave me alone on Christmas she took my daughter and went to be with this man thats older than her granparents she refused to give me a few hours wth my kid Christmas Day eventually I took my daughter that evening thing I cant figure is she was telling everyone of our apparent wedding date and spending all my money saying how she loves me so much and cant wait to be married just hours before she decided it was not what she wants now being in a smaller town immediately everyone knows i felt really low like Im young and have my own business I felt like I was doin ok trying to build a future and she leaves me for an old man I was not only heartbroken but also felt so embarrassed ashamed angry I couldnt even pick my head up I couldnt look anyone in the eye it has been pretty much the most humiliating horrible thing I have ever experienced as a recovering addict I hit a low that far exceeded my worst days of being a herion addict at this point Im still in what ppl wold consider a risky time period for relaps however its just not an option i just refuse to go back to that miserable exestiance being fully clean I felt alive for the first time in years I was feeling happier than Id ever been my life was going great I just couldnt be thankful enough I was at an all time high in life my daughter was just doing great got my business going beautiful woman life was just perfect and then it happened hit a low I never knew where did this come from this woman I trusted with my life how could she just leave me I never thought I could feel so horrible using has not been an issue I know the outcome and I dont need it never got a sorry or nothing not a dam thing it just goes on an on the things got worse and worse big mess she just wont stop trying to ruin my life point is my friend I made really do love this woman more than I can express but I have chosen to sever this wicked witch from my life other than picking up or dropping off my kid as much as it hurts not to fight for her she must not love anyone but herself if she is so willing to risk putting my daughter into a broken home possibility of triggering relapse that will certainly end my life the shame she puts on all of us the lies told for months in church to her parents that happen to be the most amazing ppl I have ever known broke their hearts as well due to their religious stand point and the relationship I have with them this was very disappointing to them disappointed is an understatement I actually was feeling bad about how much it hurt them I couldnt believe it these ppl loved me and their grandchild so much that it really really destroyed their hopes after all they had done to help us get our lives together including the financial means to build a house that was for the three of us something I could not have ever imagined living in without them I originally was doing the house just to help them do whatever they wanted to do with it but then they were just like by the way when its done you guys can have it we only worked nights weekends on it because I never would let them pay me even when I had no idea they would give it to us just because they had already done so much for me in the years I been with their daughter one of the harder things about loosing my girl was that I love her parents like they were my own and I have for many years through all this nothing will ever change between her parents and myself that is a big help I try not to be angry its not been but a matter of days Im up and down I just cant be with a woman that is so selfish and put my daughter through any more than she has endured she has been through enough and I dont have time to give my relationship it all needs to focus on my daughter not to mention that her mother has not shown or made any indication that she is sorry or even willing to come back if you feel like you cant live without her you can I feel the same way but I know I have loved before and I can again in time so can you if you feel you can work it out and move forward with a good result go for it this is not the first time this woman has done this to me you see we have been down this road and all I can say is this was the last time I already know she will make an attempt to come back at some point but I can not let her as much as it hurts and I want to be with her were humans too we deserve better than the pain that type of situation puts us in most times they do it once they will do it again I also have found that in my experience the more beautiful she is on the outside the person in that beautiful shell is ugly rotten there are girls that are beautiful all the way around you just have to be willing to look for them cause they are out there then you gotta be smart enough not to let them get away no matter what no woman is out of any mans league thats just what ppl say that dont have the confidence to get what they want dont feel like you have to accept being cheated on because your not gonna find someone better thats just not true and inner beauty is the way to go Ive had relationships with both and the the pretty ones always make life unbearable I have only met a small handful of women that were beautiful and not messed up in the head beyond repair I have met tons of girls I was not attracted to that by the end of a conversation were suddenly starting to be interesting eventually I become very attracted to and they have been the best girlfriends hands down this has been my personal experience I dont know if it helps but writing about it helps me and hopefully you werent like me and your woman was cheating with an old man this girl is super hot 26 and she is sleeping with an old man I mean like sixty thats just I hope thats not your situation its pretty damaging to my pride manhood whatever but in reality its not me what sane person does that I thought what if I did that to her with some old woman no thanks Im not into it even if I was Id be ashamed enough not too be open about it so if anything you can get a laugh out of it I used to always joke with this girl about her doin this when we watched the movie big daddy once and after that it was just a little joke we had apparently I was joking ok well I hope you come to solution that leaves you happy I am not happy about the choice I made but I just have to do it its hard to imagine the woman you love being with someone thats not you no matter how old or young either way it still hurts and makes you feel like life is over but u gotta take care of the little ones gotta be their dad nobody can be his or her dad better than u and dont go back into something you know is over but you dont want to accept it thats what I did even when she told me she loved me I knew she didnt but she would lie to me and i would pretend like she was telling the truth because I didnt want to accept it was really over for good at some point I knew I would have to so now is as good as any good luck to you I hope you get the best possible outcome just remember your not any less important than her if you let yourself slip into that idea they will walk all over you but I dont know I dont want to give bad advice thats just my experience everything I said is the way it happened for me but cant say for anyone else women are all a little bit crazy in some way guess we all are, Stay strong brotha. I know that was never her intention to use me, thats just not her. My wife and I have been together as lovers for 13 years. I love all your comments. Hi E said tonight for the first time ever that he doesnt love me. She said that our marriage lacked intimacy and passion and are now more like brother and sister, she has no feelings of desire left for me at all she says and Ive spent 9 weeks trying to change her mind, but failed. Spending time with them is the best way to get through this because they see the pain youre in and they will understand why youre so sad. We have two children together and she has two other children by two other fathers that are not in their lives. We have had plenty of problems since we had kids together but we were both Farley young when this happened so that could be the problem. I may not even want him back after all. we were so in love and always affectionate when he was home.I am just also so devestated for my son he said he isnt gonna see him anymore he doesnt wanna drag it out but my he always loved my son so much and my son doesnt even remember life without him so he is very sad. I would cry all night just waiting for a hug. After breakups, we are known to cut our hair, move to another state and make quick decisions based on a temporary emotional feeling, she notes. I do not work with but I still make sure everyone in well off. As I said I honestly never intended this and I also didnt realize she was hurt as she tends to respond emotionally to most things Even if your spouse returns, the relationship as you know it may have changed, and its OK to express grief: Youre grieving the loss of this relationship, what it meant to you, and the role this person played in your life, says Garcia. We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. There are all kinds of ways to tell if people are depressed. God the waves of dispair are so crushing. You may have no kids, but you have all the time in the world for yourself. Please know that help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. (2018). Our childs third birthday shows up and its on a Saturday and filled with empty promises of a nice day with the kids. In time of need his true colors blossom. How do you deal with him not loving you anymore, he felt unappreciated, he started heavily texting another married woman for over a month, and you dont have anything in common? 3. I dont know what to do.I know that i need companionship.I cant go through life alone.I miss her so much. Totally self centered . Its worth absolutely zero to her. *they need to take some time for themselves I could not agree with you more. I feel alone, hurt and abandoned. We were mature, grown ups We did that stuff and left that life long ago?? My wife is leaving me after 11 years of marriage. Im more of a scientific type, and having no answer as to how you can just pick up and walk away from everything youve created is beyond me. I have never felt so humiliated in all my life. I said that i am going to the car and he followed me and said if you leave i am calling an attorney on Monday and i am so sick and tired of you. I cannot tell you how many exs I have that say they never believed I would ever leave. I pray this is Gods will. Two of my best friends over the years slept with my boyfriends and just recently after 7 years left after doing nothing short of being there by his side through all his crap. I would get upset but he insisted there was nothing wrong with it. I know how you feel Matt, im so sorry for you. Best! I have been in counseling, a divorce support group and working everyday to believe that I am of value. It was rephrased that I abandoned the family and since I made good money now I was responsible for paying the x with her new man $2,000/mo. My job prevented me from being at 4 treatments. *the relationship feels like too much work. Sometimes the more you resist the worse it is. She was followed home while driving rental car in and out of her lane off shoulder and then into oncoming lane. We have a son who is just under 2 and was born 10 weeks early. I found out she already had a rental before she even told me. Please. I just dont understand any of it and feel so hopeless. I dont know how tomtell friends/ the kids, the family. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. It's Over. Can anyone help? When it doesnt hurt anymore and you find your partners actions pathetic . One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. And protect yourself because if shes not looking out for you you need to. Same situation, married 18 years, 2 girls.not sure if she had somebody else, but I have a feeling,,,wont talk to me at all. Thank you I needed to hear this because my relationship is in trouble and Im so in love with him, Uvette In shock I could barely breath I was on the floor shaking and he did nothing. "I can't win here.". It isnt the first and foremost thing on my mind all day all night, every day every night! I took it over as there were 4super large steel trays full of food that would have gone to waste if I left it at home.